[Life with Ellis || 5 Month Update]
I am honestly sitting here in disbelief. While my sweet little (almost) half a year old is asleep in the room beside me and I try to muster out some words to give an update as to what these 5ish months have been like.
What they have felt like.
What they have meant to me.
But I'm stuck on such a simple fact: that I'm even writing this. I am a MOM. Ellis is my son. He's so cute... and so beyond what I could have ever dreamed of.
Is he really ours?
And I do know the answer: yes, he is ours. He is our most precious gift given to us in this earthly life from His gracious and generous Heavenly Father. He is the Lord's first and foremost and the reality that Jesus has entrusted us with the life and wonder of Ellis is really overwhelming to process on most days.
Someone asked me pretty early on,
"What does it feel like to love him?"
Without hesitation, all I could think of was that the love I have for my son is a fierce love. It is so intensely heartfelt. It knows no boundaries because every time I think I've loved him with all that I have, he gives me a new look with that twinkle in his eye...or makes a new cooing sound...or reaches up to touch my face and I am completely undone.
Some of my favorite moments:
- I took him swimming for the first time and he loved it immediately. I was so surprised to see him kicking his little legs right away! It warms my heart because I have always loved the water and it brings me joy to see him so happy to splash and kick around like the mini Michael Phelps that he is.
- He ate ice cream. I know I know... I keep thinking this makes me the worst or coolest mom ever... but at 4 months old when Clay was holding him at our local ice cream parlor our little squish of a son shoved his pudgy little hand right into Clay's ice cream and into his mouth before I even cognitively could realize what happened. No, we haven't started solids yet. Yes, ice cream was my son's first food.
- When he started realizing when we are speaking to him. There is nothing like when I say hi to him and see his recognition in the form of a toothless opened mouth grin and a bunch of wiggling and giggling. He is so joyful that even on our most sleepless of nights, I don't blame him, but I do remind him: "you are pretty lucky Jesus made you so cute, little squish"
- He's been to serval weddings now and they will forever be some of my fondest memories of this period of his life. At my cousin's wedding in Chicago he was passed around for hours and didn't make a fuss- he is so observant and social that he just took it all in: the wonder of life and all those crazy relatives dancing like there's no tomorrow (including mom and dad!) he's going to be the life of the party one day, I just know it.
How we're doing:
People ask this a lot and it's always hard to answer because I am really internal and an over-thinker and so I never know whether to give a short or real answer. Do I stay vague or be honest and authentic? Are they asking out of genuine interest or common curtesy? #infj over here.
The other factor is (and if you have a baby you'll understand) our answer to this question can change in a matter of mere moments. And that's okay because there's grace for that, but it's hard when you're insanely ready for the baby to nap one minute and then cry because you miss him while he's napping the next. #motherhood amirite?
So I'll be honest here.
We truly are doing well. Clay and I absolutely LOVE being parents. It has been so much fun for us. I really can't go on any longer about how much we love Ellis and how we think he's so cute, because I think you get that.
What I do want you to know is that we are still learning, and have so much of it still to do. But we are enjoying and striving to embrace and lean in to the learning curve. We truly believe the Lord would not call us to the role of parenthood if He wasn't going to equip and provide us with what we need to do it. (thank you Jesus for your promises and the truth of your Word which keeps us encouraged and moving forward)
There are a lot of hard moments. Tears. Misunderstandings. But me and Ellis have become quite the little duo each day.
It has certainly become harder and harder to run my business from home as he has increasingly become more and more active and needs more of my attention and entertainment. I'm still praying about what that will look like moving forward, and would certainly appreciate your prayers in that as well.
Which brings me to perhaps the hardest part of this journey thus far... being away from family. It does get easier, but especially in the early days it was hard to not be able to call one of our moms or aunts or sister over to hold the baby so we could nap or shower...or cry in the other room if we're being real.
This is still so hard on us. I long to have family closer. But what I can say about this is that the Lord is faithful and has provided us with an incredible community through our new church body that we have only begun to get closer and closer to (we love you guys so much. seriously all the heart eyes and hug emojis for you) they are a HUGE ANSWER to prayer and we're so grateful they have become our people.
so... I think that's all I've got for now. I'm going to keep you guys updated through this online journal. I have a lot on my mind and heart... some things are lighter than others (I'm literally working on a post about shoes. no joke and no shame.) but some will reach deeper as I seek to use this as an authentic way to share my journey in this life of embracing parenthood...running a business...and really so much more.
Thanks for taking the time to read this and love on me and my little family. We are so grateful.
All my love,