[Our Christmas alone // waiting on baby]

Photo by Rachel Linder of Blue Barn Photography

Ohhhhh boy. I expected to blog so much more during this pregnancy than I did. Pregnancy is by far the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me. There were times where I wanted to share everything, times where I wanted to share nothing; there were days where I was so overjoyed and in disbelief that I am actually pregnant and get to be a mom, and then days where I was over being pregnant, feeling sick + emotional + sore + swollen + every other weird thing and felt too ashamed to admit it. 

There's such a stark contrast between complaining and celebrating, and I think most of all I never wanted blur the line on social media/the internet. Complaining seemed unfair; I am on a journey that a lot of women do not get the chance to experience and I wanted to be sensitive to that in my words and disposition. Celebrating "too much" also seemed unfair for the same reason. All in all I also learned that celebration is so much sweeter in the real and rawness of every day life and that has been invaluable to me.

So now we're in the absolute final stretch. From this point forward, our little man could come absolutely any day. That is both riveting and absolutely terrifying. 

What I've come to decide/realize is that pregnancy is seriously a dramatic roller coaster. A few week's ago we had a little scare- without going into all the details, I was admitted into the hospital to be closely monitored and felt like I was in a haze as doctors were throwing around words like "early" and "inducing." I remember that day I kind of mentally shut down instead of allowing myself to stress (me the babe) out. However, I couldn't help but think: I'm not ready. I hadn't finished watching our birth segments. I hadn't finished packing any bags. I hadn't even thought of a 'birth plan.' I still had too many things on my 'to do list' and hadn't mentally prepared for the potential of this little guy coming early. 

As soon as I was cleared, told everything had been regulated, and finally got to see Clay I literally said to him "We don't even have a Christmas outfit for him!" to which he responded: "I literally had the exact. same. thought." We laughed about that so much. 

I'm so grateful it has all worked out. That I haven't had to be induced yet and that our little guy has made it to full term. Even though my time in the hospital was a little shell shocking, you can bet the next two days home I finished just about everything on my to-do list. 

So here we are, hospital bags packed, "birth plan" (preferences, really) have been thought through, birth segments watched and baby Christmas outfit NOT needed. (this year) and even though our Christmas was spent alone with just the two of us, we are so grateful for the love and support we've felt from so much of our family + friends (Special shoutout to the Fogwell's for sending us a ham that we've literally been living on, you guys are the best!)

So we're praying, waiting in anticipation, and soaking up the days as a family of two and ecstatic thatany day we'll make it three. 

Depending on how the next few days go, I may get in at least one more post before 2017 hits- stay tuned, and thank you so much for joining me and Clay on this incredible adventure! 

Such a special HUGE shout out to my sweet kind forever friend Rachel Linder of Blue Barn Photography for taking these magical photos and helping us document such a special part of our life!