Things I remember: 1

I remember when they sat us down to explain all that was going on with Haven’s heart defect, and the details of the open heart surgery that would fix it.

Bleary eyed, hair in the messiest non showered bun of my life. I was in so much physical pain from giving birth, let alone dealing with the emotional trauma — and all I could think of, obsess over, was going home with our baby. 

One of the hardest things to hear for me, was that they had to stop her heart during the surgery. (I mean let’s be real— that’s freaking insane) I tried not to think about it, not speak it out loud. But I talked to the Lord, he knew my unease. 

When we sat down to meet the surgeon it was surreal. Plus he’s really tall with giant hands so I wondered how he would work on such a tiny baby’s heart. 

(We stalked him as much as possible on google, and he checked out 😂)

He was talking with us about the surgery, so when he explained the process of how they stop the heart, he looked me directly in the eyes and said “and we do this every day” 

I’ll never have the words to describe the way I felt when he made sure to say that. What a gift from the Lord, who in His infinite goodness heard my cry and fears and allowed the doctors words to quiet them with peace. 

It’s hard to adequately explain how it felt to walk our 1-week old baby off to get open heart surgery. Impossible, actually. But what I can say: we had calmness that came from Christ alone. The NICU nurse that was with us through that was kind and gracious, the absolute perfect person to be with us as we kissed her and trusted the Lord to do what only He can do.

I don’t know why I wanted to share this specific moment, but I was reminded of these memories talking to my friend Sarah over Facetime the other night, and you know, I just didn’t want to forget it. So here it is. Forever on this little corner of the internet to remind me of what we walked through, and show the inherent goodness of God.